John Laughner

John Laughner,79, passed away on November 26 in the home of his daughter, Julie. For the past year his health was failing and over the past 2 months got exponentially worse. He left his home in the Poconos in early October to move into an independent living community near his family. Many friends of his in the Poconos visited him before the move, and it met so much to him. Unfortunately, he was too ill to move into his new apartment, he went to the hospital and for a short time was good enough to go to a rehab where his old co-workers and family came to celebrate his upcoming 80th birthday. A week before his death he moved into his daughter’s house on hospice, and was with his son-in-law Jeff White and his two grandchildren: Issac (age 6) and Max (age7) who said good night to him on November 25. He never woke up and died the next morning.

John was born on November 29, 1945 to Geneva and Donald Laughner in Ridgway, PA, where he developed his love of trains and had lots of family nearby. At a young age he moved to the small town of Elkland, PA - where he spent the rest of his childhood. His parents worked in the local Tannery. He shared a bedroom with his sister, Jean, and started doing woodworking projects as a pre-teen. He developed lasting friendships with Donny and Richie.

He went to Alfred state college in NY before moving on to Indiana Tech to study civil engineering. John like to party and made many friends, but he also really loved to study mathematics and engineering. When he graduated, he moved to King of Prussia and started working for Penn Dot. He made many close friendships with his co-workers most notable were Elaine, Pete, Mike, and Yasmin. Before he retired, he was project manager of the Exton Bypass, he was very proud of that accomplishment.

While working at Penn Dot he met his wife, Constance Wallace, they settled in Royersford and had a daughter named Julie. John got divorced in 1984 and became a single father. Though he never remarried he had a second family that lived down the street – The Alywards.

After retiring he moved to the Poconos where he started to rebuilt (with the help of Pete) an old, small cabin, that eventually turned into an expansive home. He met many friends in the Poconos, but by far his closet friend was Kasper. He spent the last few years of his life flipping a house in Lake Naomi, spending time with his grandchildren, and going to concerts.

John said he was lucky he had a good life and got to make so many wonderful friends.

We had a small memorial with his closest family and friends. We are not planning on having a formal funeral. Instead, I would really appreciate for you to send me any memories you have (unedited) so I can share them with his grandkids, when they are older.

If you want to do anything in remembrance of him you can give a donation to the PA railroad Museum - where John was a member and loved to take his grandkids to visit. https://rrmuseumpa.org/giving

Below is the Eulogy his daughter Julie gave (with the help of his two grandsons) at his memorial lunch. Please share it with anyone and everyone.

Thank you all for being in my Dad’s life.

John Laughner’s Eulogy

These last few days I’ve received so many calls and text and everyone says the same thing, “John was really a character” So, I hope this can be a day of joy and laughter as we remember My Dad, John, Mr. Laughner, Boccer, and as he referred to himself at times “Laughner over here” - we remember all his idiosyncrasies, catch phrases, faults, crazy stories, and above all his overwhelming capacity for love and his insatiable need for connecting and being with other people.

If I had to say there was a theme running through my Dad's life it would be his need to love others, and be loved by others. My dad was not a stoic, loner. He had to always be around people and he thrived at getting involved on a personal level with everyone he met.

When I was a little girl and we would go to the grocery store "genardies”, the spring ford pharmacy, the 7-11 across from the high school, or Allen’s variety store on main street, - everyone knew my dad by name. Where ever we would go people would always say, “You must be John’s daughter, I’ve heard so much about you."

I remember visiting my grandmom when I was in high school, and we would rollerblade around town, like you did in the 90s. We were on a side road and my dad fell; he was not seriously hurt, but bleeding. We didn't want his mom to find out because she was always worried about us getting hurt. Sure, enough my Dad knew the guy in the house right next to us, he bandaged my dad up and his mom never found out.

Recently when I went to pick up my dad's medicine from his pharmacy in the poconos the pharmacist said what I always hear, “You must be John’s daughter, I've heard so much about you” He went on and on, asking about my dad, his house and friends.

Even in my own town random people know who my dad is. He would often go to the bagel shop by my house and tell me all about the "hot bagel lady" that works there - one day I went with him and she said – you guessed it - "you must be John’s daughter, I heard so much about you” she went on about how my dad always makes her laugh when he comes in.

With him there were no strangers- just other people he wanted to share is life with. My dad was so well known that when he went to work, the store, or a restaurant he would announce himself "Laughner Over Here” and people would be like John's here. - "Laughner over here" was the kind of person that didn’t let being too busy or too shy get in the way of him knowing his neighbor. And how can we love our neighbor if we don’t know our neighbor?

As I wrote this and was thinking of the purpose of my Dad’s life, I thought of a sarcastic motivational poster from the 2000s (before there were memes) It’s photo of a boat sinking at sunset and the caption below it reads , "MISTAKES: It could be the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning for others" I like the dark humor, so I wanted to make some more positive “Laughner” versions of that motivational poster: here is the first version that came to mind-

"Laughner over here: it could be that the purpose of my life was to connect with everyone around me”

Not only did my dad talk to everyone and genuinely want to know about them, and them to know about him. He also sincerely cared about everyone he met. There are some people in this world fight for social justice, listen to NPR podcast about global issues, and dutifully wash out all their recycling before throwing it away. My dad was not one of those people, nor did he try to be.

I have memories of acts of kindness my dad did throughout my childhood. For example, there was a small greasy breakfast restaurant, Ana Marie’s, on Mainstreet in Royersford that we ate at every weekend, and I think the dish washer there was homeless. He stayed near the railroad tracks, where the poor people lived back then, and he had to walk up a long steep hill to get to the restaurant where he worked. Whenever my dad saw him, we would stop the car and give him a ride up the hill.

When I was around 5 years old my dad would take me down to the railroad tracks to watch trains at night (I had a weird childhood). He made friends with this older guy Bou, who I remember wore a top hat. One day we went to the spring city hotel, where Bou stayed. I didn't want to be there; the room was small, dirty, and dark. My dad said we have to go and check on Bou because he's lonely and doesn't have many friends or family.

My dad trusted people - he gave people he barely knew the keys to his house; he would give money to a waitress at his favorite bar that was struggling; he would give a homeless guy a ride while his young daughter was in the car. My Dad was unique in that he would effortlessly and without worrying about his own wellbeing help those around him.

"Laughner over here: It could be that the purpose of my life was to help and care about those that are right in front of me”

My dad often lacked table manners, tactfulness, and maybe he talked a little too much - I doubt he ever sent a thank you note. I remember being anxious about the first time my dad ate at my in-laws because of his lack of social etiquette, I snapped at him because when he wanted more ice in his lemonade, he literally dipped his bare hand in the large table pitcher, scooped out the ice, and then plopped it cup.

Throughout what seemed like my entire childhood our house was under construction, I remember there always being drywall partially blocking our downstairs hallway. I think one of the reasons it took my dad so long to complete a project on our house, was because there where so many weekends where he would go to a friend, family, or coworker’s house to help them with their projects. As I type this, I look around my own home and see the many projects he has done. I think most of us in this room have had my dad help them with something around their house. It’s rare to find someone like my Dad who is willing, happy, and even excited to put their personal business on hold to go help out a friend or relative. My dad would probably forget your birthday or told you at some point, “that you look terrible” But if you called my dad anytime to ask a favor, he would be excited to help out. He showed his love by giving his time and using his talents, not by his words.

"Laughner over here: it could be that the purpose of my life was to use the talents that God gave me to show my love for others”

My dad never felt embarrassed or apologetic when he spoke to people, at times he was often overly blunt, but his lack of inhibition, complete openness and honestly is what attracted people to him, and what lead to so many funny stories. When I was young, I didn't appreciate my dad’s lack of self-consciousness and was often embarrassed my him.

I remember being in the car with my middle school girlfriends and driving by this house where some cool older boys were hanging out in their drive way on Lewis road. My friends and I were talking about how the guys were cute, or something. Then all of a sudden, my dad slammed on the brakes, dramatically turned the car around and went right up into the driveway and he yelled out the window something like “my daughter and her friends think you're hot.” I was so embarrassed.

Another time when my friends and I were in the car with him; over the radio they announce that there was a Live concert going on in Allentown. Someone said, “I wish we could go to that” And my dad immediately turned the car around and we drove to Allentown. I don’t think he let any of their parents know we were going?

You never had to guess what my dad was thinking. If I made something my dad did not like for dinner, he would literally spit it out. While sometimes annoying, his honesty was also refreshing. My dad would also get so excited if something was awesome. When he went to karaoke with my roommates in Pittsburgh, all night he was like, "Holy cats, you girls are AMAZING” and bragged to all the random strangers in the bar how good we were.

Perhaps it would be bad for society if everyone was as unapologetically honest as my dad - but it also would be liberating to know what is really on people’s hearts and minds. I'm guilty of little white lies, like saying something is “OK” when I actually don’t like it, or acting like something doesn't bother me, when it really does. With my dad everything was simple, you knew exactly how he felt and what he thought- at all times.

"Laughner over here: It could be that the purpose of my life was to tell it like it is and not worry about what others might think

Towards the end of his life things weren’t that great, if you asked my dad how he felt he would reply with either, “fair” or “terrible”. He was in and out of the hospital, but he kept trying to go to concerts, hang out with his friends, and work in his wood shop. There were some good days – like when my best friend Jen and her husband, John, helped me take my dad to the “Get the Led Out concert”. We barely got him to his seat in his walker, but we all had a great time that night. My dad never gave up or stopped doing what he wanted to do. The last few months I was preoccupied with trying to move him, his health, finances, and honestly a little resentful towards him at times.

I told my husband, Jeff, right after my dad died, that I was thinking of a story from the bible. It’s the one where Jesus and his disciples came into a village and a woman named Martha open her home to them.

3. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and concerned about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

At times I think we all get preoccupied and worried about the logistics of life, rather than focusing on what was is really important: spending quality time with those we love.

“Laughner over here: It could be that the purpose of my death is to serve as a warning to others: focus on what’s important and don’t sweat the small stuff”